As Yet Untitled: A Semi-Autobiographical Work of Fiction

I started really strong on my NaNoWriMo project, this year. Day four hasn’t ended and I’m just over 15,000 words–more than a quarter of the way to completion!

Like I mentioned, the project I ended up working on this year is not the project I’d intended to work on. I originally planned to rewrite a novella I wrote back in July into a full-length novel.

Then in October I was diagnosed with PTSD and my plan changed. If you know my other blog From Adie, with Love, you probably know that I’ve always been very open about my struggles with mental illness. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety in high school, I had an abusive childhood, I’m a sexual assault survivor… these things have affected me. I’ve never made any attempt to hide my discontent with my life.

After being diagnosed with the PTSD, though… I felt lost and confused and a little afraid. I had no idea what to do. I felt completely caged in by this diagnosis. Which, when I thought about it, honestly felt pretty par for the course. I’ve always felt trapped by my mental health struggles. And then something just kind of snapped inside me. I just suddenly got really, really sick of feeling so damn broken all the time.

I remembered a friend who’s partner wrote a book as a form of magic. They wanted a romantic partner and wrote a book (fiction) about finding that partner. They put their self into the main character and wrote about finding the type of partner they dreamed about finding. Then, they found that partner in my friend.

So, that’s what I decided to do. I decided to write about my life, but on my terms. I decided to write about how I want my life to unfold (realistically–no magic cures or recovery without effort) from here forward.

It’s a lot harder than it sounds. My hat is off to my friend’s partner, because writing about my life, how I want it to unfold, in a realistic way requires a level of self-awareness and introspection that I’ve never had to embrace before–that I might even say I actively avoided before. It’s draining to be so honest with myself, not only about what I want and whether or not it’s realistic (sorry, probably not going to win a billion dollar lottery), but with my own current shortcomings and flaws I need to work on to get there.

Writing the backstory was the easy part–that’s there, I can’t change it. But, writing about the change? Moving myself forward, even fictionally?

I’m praying for the strength.

P.S. The actual honest-to-God title of the book is “As Yet Untitled.” I’m still debating what the subtitle will be, if I include one.

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Happy NaNoWriMo!

Today marks the first day of National Novel Writing Month. Whoo! If you’re a masochist, there’s still time to join for this year, if you want! If you join, don’t forget to add me as a buddy!

I actually made decent progress for the first day. Normally, I struggle to find the words to start my projects. This year, I’ve already gotten through chapter one and have started chapter two. I’m sitting comfortably at just over 3,500 words.

Not bad.

Of course, I’m working on a totally different project than I initially intended to. I really wanted to rewrite a short novella I wrote in a weekend back in July into something a little longer (and better quality). But, on Monday inspiration for another story–a much more personal story–struck me.

Who am I to argue with the muses?

I can already tell I’m going to hate the first draft of this. But, that’s what first drafts are for; to hate and rip apart and rebuild into something better. Something that makes sense.

Something that sounds a bit less autobiographical. Because, fuck me, this story (which is fiction, I assure you) is coming out so autobiographically. Very personal. Very raw. Very uncomfortable. The idea of people reading even what little bit I’ve written so far makes my skin crawl.

So, here, let me share an excerpt with you! This is the very beginning of chapter one: Continue reading “Happy NaNoWriMo!”

*shifty eyes*

Hello. Welcome. My name is Aidan, aka A.M. Mickle, aka Adie, aka The Cupcake Witch. This is my blog. Well, this is one of my blogs.

I created this blog as a means of sporadic update on my writing and photography. Mostly on my writing, for now.

This isn’t the first writing blog I’ve had, but I swear to all that is holy, it will be my last. If I can’t make this one stick, I’m giving up on having a “writing blog” and just sticking to my lifestyle stuff.

Like I said, this blog is a means of sporadic update; that is, irregular, without a schedule, because I already have enough deadlines to worry about without another. This space is flexible, informal, and definitely–definitely–not safe for kids.

I have a foul fuckin’ mouth.

This blog will probably be pretty barren until November 1st, when National Novel Writing Month begins. But, you can check back after that to read me ranting about the writing process, check out my photography I take between frantically trying to reach my daily word counts, maybe snippets and previews of what I’ve worked on so far, and all the other fun ways I find to procrastinate! Yay!

Until next time.

-A.